50 Things They Never Told You About Being A Chef

A lot of my chef friends on Facebook have been passing around a post that's quite accurate on the life of a chef. The original post can be found here.

"When people are thinking of taking their first steps into kitchens, many around them are quick to give advice. They will warn of the toil involved, the strength of character and the stamina that are needed, the long hours... But however much warning is given, one is always quick to disregard it and shrug one's shoulders because really, how hard can it be? In my years working in kitchens I have seen hundreds come and go; eager at the start but quickly disenchanted and just as eager to get out. Only a small percentage of people who walk into the world of gastronomy stay there once faced with this harsh environment. Below is a list that I compiled of all the realities of day to day life as a chef, based on my own experience as well as on my observations."

What you can expect from making a living in a professional kitchen:

1 You'll almost always have open wounds on your hands and arms.

2 You'll never meet new people because your social life deteriorates into non-existence.

3 You'll find it hard to start relationships because alone time will become a precious thing.

4 You'll lose your social skills.

5 Your sense of humour will degrade into the politically incorrect and socially unacceptable.

6 You'll eventually start swearing like a sailor and you won't even notice yourself doing it.

7 You'll turn into an anorak/monomaniac and always turn all conversations back to food.

8 You'll earn a pittance for years/decades

.9 You'll either lose a vast amount of weight or gain a vast amount of weight.

10 You'll never ever have a tan ever again.

11 You won't become famous.

12 You'll develop a habit, whether it be coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, cannabis, cocaine, or even red bull.

13 Your feet will get destroyed.

14 Your back will get destroyed.

15 Your hands will get destroyed.

16 You'll live in a constant state of sleep deprivation, indefinitely.

17 You'll have to ask your friends to plan everything around your schedule, which is incomplete opposition with their availability, because you never know your days off in advance and you probably won't be able to change it.

18 You'll become of a very highly strung nature

19 You'll become more prone to temper flare ups

20 Your awareness of other people's lack of efficiency and common sense will increase and your tolerance of it will decrease.

21 You'll spend the largest part of your life cooped up in a small, undecorated room with poor ventilation, high temperatures, a lot of noise, humidity, no natural light and no windows, with a small group of people who will become your only social interactions.

22 You will work longer hours than you ever imagined possible or thought legal.

23 You will spend all your waking hours on your feet, never getting a chance to sit down even for 5 minutes

24 Your shortest work days will be longer than most people's longest, and your longer workdays, which make up about half of your working week, will be longer than the average person is awake in a day.

25 You will not cook gourmet dinners at home. You'll be too tired, and too fed up of cooking.

26 You will probably start eating mostly fast food and cheap instant noodles.

27 You will be the subject of abuse, whether physical or emotional. Officially, it will be as a test of character. In reality, it will be as a form of entertainment.

28 You will end up spending so much time at work that your colleagues will know you better than your partner/family/friends do.

29 You will meet and form strong bonds with types of people whom you'd previously never even have imagined sharing conversations with.

30 You will be in a constant state of stress.

31 You will never be irreplaceable and will be expected to constantly give 110%.

32 You will always be exhausted.

33 You will not be allowed to call in sick for a hangover.

34 You will be expected to place your work before any other part of your life in your list of priorities.

35 You will never be congratulated on your work.

36 You will be expected to treat your superiors as absolute masters and never answer back, try to explain yourself, start a conversation, or show any other type of insubordination, even if you know that they are in the wrong or feel as if their behavior towards you is unacceptable.

37 It will become very difficult to watch friends cook.

38 Your mum will stop cooking for you because she feels embarrassed.

39 You will be expected to cook for family gatherings such as Christmas EVERY SINGLEYEAR. Luckily, at least one year out of two, you will be working on Christmas.

40 At least one year out of two, and maybe every year, you will work Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Easter, Valentine's day, Mother's day, Father's day, bank holidays, Halloween, your birthday, and pretty much every other day of celebration on the calendar.

41 You will have to work many years in menial positions before attaining any level of authority in the workplace.

42 The better the restaurant is, the longer the work hours become, the more pressure you end up under, the more unhealthy your lifestyle will become, the more likely you will be to develop a habit, the more competitive the people around you will become, the less sleep you'll get, the less you'll eat etc.

43 You will constantly make mistakes, and every time you do make a mistake, someone will notice it and make you understand that you are clearly a subhuman because only a subhuman could make such a mistake.

44 If you are a woman, you will constantly be the subject of misogynist remarks and jokes, sexual harassment, belittlement and remarks about your menstrual cycle.

45 None of your friends or family will understand what is involved in your work and you will never be able to make them understand.

46 You will spend vast amounts of money on equipment, books, eating in good restaurants, etc, which will leave you with not much money for other things.

47 You will develop a creepy obsession with knives.

48 If you are a pastry chef, you will develop a creepy obsession with spoons.

49 You will get a rash in your arse crack from the mixture of heat, sweat and friction that will not heal well, sometimes get infected, will mostly always be slimy and itchy and will be there most of the time.

50 If you are the right type of person, you will thank your lucky star every single day for the rest of your life for making you take the best decision you ever did and become a chef. And you will fall in love with your job and never look back.

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Beer Tasting

I've been checking out some beers recently and I thought I would share my findings. In Boston, we had so many local breweries and it was fun discovering new good beers. Still checking out the SF/Oakland beer scene as well as some others from around the world.

 I have to start by saying that the viking on the bottle was my main reason for checking out these two beers. Einstok beer is brewed very close to the arctic circle near the town of Akureyri, Iceland. The brewery has a total of four beers they make: White Ale, Doppelbock, Pale Ale, and a Toasted Porter. One interesting note is that their beer is only available in Iceland, The United Kingdom and California. I could only find the two above.

Pale Ale: Huge let down! They say they use the purest water from glaciers and rainfall and that's pretty much what it tasted like: water with a couple of rusty pennies thrown in for good measure!

Toasted Porter: After starting off with such a terrible first beer, I had extremely low expectations for the Toasted Porter. However, I was shocked at how good it was! Lot's of toffee, chocolate, and caramel notes, slightly smokey, and not to heavy. They defiantly won me back with it and I'm going to try and seek out their other two beers.

These next set of five are all from the West Coast. 

Full Sail LTD Pale Bock: Full Sail Brewing Company is located in Hood River, Oregon. They have been around since 1987 and have a total of seven beers. The Full Sail LTD was a limited edition beer and only made in very small batches. I popped the top expecting a nice light beer and instead got a whiff of canned peas. It was gross!! Extremely flat, no flavor, and the smell of peas was very hard to get over.

Scarlett Red Rye Ale: Made by Speakeasy Brewery here in San Francisco, they are a very small brewing company but seem to dominate most of the area. Their Scarlett Red Rye Ale upon first sniff smelled very hoppy and I'm not a huge fan of hoppy beer(I tend to stay away from most IPA's). However, all was not as it seemed because it had a very smooth taste, not to heavy, with light caramel notes. Defiantly will try this again.

Prohibition Ale: Since their Scarlett Red Rye was so good, I checked out the Prohibition Ale. This one was classified as an amber ale but was very hoppy. If you like IPA's, you should enjoy this beer. 

Baba Black Lager: This next beer heads inland to Salt Lake City, Utah from Uinta Brewing Company. They have a huge range of beers to choose from with some pretty colorful labels. Baba black lager is just as it says, a pitch black beer that is quite smokey on the palate. It reminded me a lot of Guinness beer but without any taste. A little bit of a let down. I will however check out some of their other beers as their selection is quite vast and I'm sure I can find something I like. 

Full Sail Nut Brown Ale: I wasn't expecting much after such a poor performance from their LTD Pale Bock. The nut brown ale didn't have any real smell to it when I opened the bottle. The taste was light if not slightly bitter but very, very, sweet. They say they use a good amount of chocolate malts in making it and it shows. If your into sweet beers, it's not bad. Me on the other hand, I'm staying away from Full Sail. Just not the beer company for me.

Restaurant L'Olivier

A couple of weeks back, Andi and I went to do our taxes. The woman who does them is Russian and I asked her what are some of her favorite Russian restaurants around the area. She didn't have any traditional Russian restaurants but recommended a place in San Francisco called L'Olivier. It's a fusion of French and Russian cuisine.

Their menu is small but has some great stuff on it! It's also very reasonably priced.

We started off with two appetizers: Trio of Salmon and Veal Sweetbreads. The salmon had a great presentation with salmon tartare topped with salmon caviar wrapped in gravlax with two toast points sticking out the top. The sweetbreads were crusted in porcini powder and had an amazing demi-glace sauce that was to die for. I sopped up every bit with the delicious french bread you see in the back.

For our second course I got Salade Landaise- frisee, duck confit, smoked duck breast, candied walnuts, and potato chip.Very light, the perfect second course.

Andi had the traditional French Onion Soup. Nothing to go crazy over, just good soup!

For our entrees, Andi went with Scallop Risotto with Lobster Sauce. The dish came out held together with a metal ring mold which the server pulled off upon presentation. Very well done(I love the bowl!) and great flavor!

I went with the Cassoulet de Toulouse which had braised lamb shoulder, duck confit, toulouse sausage and cannellini beans. Most cassoulet's that I have had can be quite heavy but this was just the right portion to not make me feel completely full.

Before we even started our meal, our server recommended the Souffle which he said they had won awards for. Since Andi had never tried a souffle before we went for it. It was cooked perfectly and the server broke the center for us and added the cream. Very light in flavor and the perfect ending to a three course meal. We washed it down with a glass of port and Frangelico!